Who is Andy Ritchie?

“Don’t know what happened to your umbrella. Broke all by its self”!

I am a man of very few morals and those few I possess have the tendency to change frequently on account of my present situation and to justify to myself whatever my mind deems fit to carry out. It just makes life that bit more fun when that inner voice asks “Why not”?

I enjoy travel, hot weather, French accents and football when my teams winning. Mistakes made while using a foreign language, like the time I asked in Polish for a plate of pussy instead of chips or the girl who walked into the bar asking for cock instead of Coke. Funny place names such as Wankdorf –Switzerland- and Oberfucking –Austria- can make me smile for days.

I like the misfortune of others, like the guy who accidently mowed his foot with an old fashioned lawnmower then lost an eye to his own flying big toe or the American guy who at the age of sixty underwent a circumcision and awoke from the anaesthetic to find his whole penis had been removed. I also like ranting about things I don’t like.

I don’t like windy days, spiders, noisy eaters and people walking slowly.

I hate people who post shit like “100 likes if you wish cancer didn’t exist. If you had a heart you’d repost this”. Fuck off you nonce. Yea, well done. You’ve just cured cancer with that one! Grow up and get a fucking life eh. It’s all very noble of you to dislike cancer but to suggest that others are heartless for not reposting some words just makes you a fucking arsehole with nothing better to do  with your hopefully short time on Earth than sit on your fat lazy ass watching day time television and typing useless shite on Facebook. Lol. Don’t get me started on the lols and lamos of the world.

I hate hippies that feel that everyone should share their tree hugging views and I hate people who need to be told by others who and what they like in life.

I’m actually a very happy person and almost never serious about anything but, like everybody else, I have my little hang-ups and it’s impossible to be happy all the time.

I’ve never liked the idea of describing myself as a profession i.e. I am a doctor, I am a plumber, I am this or blah, blah that. I believe that is your profession but it’s not who you are. I would much prefer to fill you in on the stuff that’s happened in life to make me who I am today.

And why would you care? Well, I’ve tried to write about all things that would interest me if I was reading about someone else. Funny, embarrassing, crazy and stupid  moments I’m sure I’ll regret sharing but at the end of the day I’ve just enjoyed finally putting my memories to paper and hope that someone else can enjoy this story as much as I’ve enjoyed living it.


59 thoughts on “Who is Andy Ritchie?

  1. I am so thrilled to see this Andy! I have been sat here reading what you have written so far with a huge grin on my face…..It is great! Keep it coming and don’t give up! 🙂

    1. More on the way 🙂 I think I sent my organisation a saucy story by mistake when they asked me for a small essay on my time in CR!..Think you’ve read it before. The one about getting caught with my pants down (kind of)! Its quite hard to get another project with them after doing that!

  2. Jajajajajajajaja!! Fun fun! And very nice your blog! 🙂 I’ve been reading a lot and I like it! Andy! 🙂

  3. I like your introduction and get the impression that if we’d met on one of our travels, we’d have gotten on very well indeed. I’m looking forward to reading the rest of the story as the twinkle in your eye as reflected in your words makes me think I’m gonna enjoy this.

    P.S.: What’s the thing with windy days?

  4. Hope you enjoy reading the rest of the story and thank you for taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it.
    I travel a lot so if I’m ever in your part of the world maybe you can join me for some crazy adventures!? There is NEVER a dull momment! 🙂

    And windy days.. 8 months cycling into the wind to work in Scotland..AHHH! I re-name my country Shitland! Even on the rare occasion where the sky is blue it’s still f**king windy!

    Thanks again for stopping by.

  5. Its good to read a fellow blogger’s stuff without reference to God every other line. Praying all the time might be good for the immortal soul but it can’t be good for their knees. All the best, Danny

  6. I do have a post about living with nuns in Poland, but thankfully no praying involved. Also spend some time at a religious community in Italy. Too many f**king hippies there for my liking and 2 weeks there was more than enough!
    Thanks for the comment Danny and I look forward to reading more of your blog.

  7. Omygoodness I’m totally with you on the Facebook reposting crap. I saw one the other day which said, “Like this if you love your mum.” Hilarious! As though THAT’S how we now validate our feelings. “O, I know you SAID you love your Mum, but you didn’t click ‘like’ on that Facebook status so I’m not quite sure I believe you.”

  8. Yeah, I know some people who feel it’s their duty to post every one of these things in a “look how caring I am” kind of way. My latest hate though is getting invites to facebook games. Doesn’t matter how many you block, there are a million more to take its place. Invites seem to come from the same people so maybe the best thing to do is delete them from this world..Erm, I mean facebook.

  9. Hi Andy! Just stopping by to say thanks a lot for following. You must think I’m an ignorant b- but I got here in the end! Lots going on- sorry. (well, I’m not sorry there’s lots going on, but you know what I mean)

    1. Hey Jo, great to hear you are keeping so busy and I really hope that you get that dream house/villa in Algarve, especially with that fantastic view! I think we share the same dream. But it’s a dream that will come true for you. My dream will come true also, but not yet. A bit more travelling to be done first.
      Thankyou for stopping by.

  10. Not in Aruba yet but I fly out on March 3rd.
    I saw some crazy and cool spiders in Costa Rica. Think that made my little fear a lot worse!
    I love snakes though but I’m a bit of a child when I see them. I just have to touch!

    1. I’m sure we would.
      I love that you’re really keen on writing and travel. Two things I’m also fond off.
      I’m always looking for ideas as to where to go in the world so if there are any particular places you’d reccomend then I would be keen to check it out.
      Cheers 🙂

  11. My best friend and I have a tradition of taking road trips, with the goal of seeing how much trouble we can find ourselves in. If we aren’t detained by border guards wielding AK47s and accepting bribes in lieu of hard time, we don’t consider the trip a success.

    That said, my rec for you would be Morocco. It’s an awesome country to roadtrip in, with unlimited potential for shenanigans. Solid runners-up would be: India and Romania.

    1. Sounds painful. Can I not mow someone elses toe and post pictures of that?
      I’ll tell you what. Next time I have some horrendous accident I will be sure to take some good photos just for you 🙂
      You might not have to wait long because I do quite a lot of stupid things! 🙂

    1. Haha..Most projects I do I run into them.. Do they tell you safe shit like “Oh, I don’t like war, I think there should be no war.” Or “you shouldn’t eat animals because animals are nice.
      I wrote a post about my time spent on a fucking hippie commune. Some hippie c**t tried to complain but I didn’t approve of their pish.
      It’s called: Italy, the hippie hippie shake. Should be in my recent list of posts.

    1. Thanks Mimmy. Glad you share my views on things.
      I should maybe expand a little on my reasons for hating windy weather -cycling into gale-force winds every other day isnt much fun-
      and my dislike for spiders -there have been a few hair-raising moments-
      The hippie thing gets explained more in later posts but I have also met some cool hippies who let me swim naked with them.
      Thanks for stopping by and I hope you can enjoy my blog as much as I like yours.

  12. I would like to thank you for the energy you have put in writing this
    website. I’m looking to see otherweb site post from you in the future. please also excuse my bad english as it’s
    not my first language.

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