. . .
She was the one everyone warmed to at college. The centre of attention without meaning to be and an unshakable kindness with beauty both inside and out all added up towards one incredible individual. I could never understand why she had so much time for me – a fairly quiet, shy man around girls- , but accepting her invitation of a few drinks at her place, I relax and make myself comfortable on the couch in her apartment.
I was never in love. I wouldn’t allow myself to. Not in a million years could anything possibly happen between us. Maybe (definitely) in my dreams, but never in reality. She was just a friend and for once in my life I could accept that.
We were in almost every class together from Maths to History, shared similar interests and even the same black sense of humour. That night we discussed everything while downing the last of our vodka.
Feeling tired, we decide it’s time to sleep and I ask for a sheet, maybe a pillow for the couch I assume to be my bed for the night. “You’re sleeping there”? She asks me surprised. “Jump into bed with me if you want. It’s much comfier”. I figure this to be a much better alternative and undressing down to my boxers I slide in beside her. I’m asked if I sleep naked to which I reply “I can if you want me to”! We giggle and laugh it off.
For an hour we lie face to face talking of days gone by, our classmates at college and about sex and our lack off. I’m told of her recent absence of sex and how frustrating it’s been for her making her constantly horny as hell. She continues by filling me in on her fantasies of being strangled, perhaps videoed so that she can watch it back. Our legs brush a little and receiving a small kiss goodnight I roll over and fall asleep.
Arriving at college the next morning we join our usual groups of friends and I discuss my night with a mutual good friend we share. “Andy, are you a fucking idiot”? I’m asked. I take a moment to reflect. “FUUUCK! I am an idiot”!
At my house the following weekend we find ourselves sharing a bed again. This time a little too much vodka and we’re out for the count. As she makes her way home and back into the arms of her ex-boyfriend I bang my head on a fucking wall.