With my latest adventure planned I thought it best to take a moment to explain why I haven’t put up any posts for a while on my blog and why some recent posts are not in order of when things happened.
I’m going to live and work on a donkey farm and also volunteer at a National park in Aruba in the Caribbean. I will be there for six months. This is step one in my plans for 2013 but I can’t say for sure what I will do afterwards. Definitely something along the lines of travel and adventure anyway. I have ideas but nothing concrete yet, suggestions welcome.
The last part of my book Without Wax kind of ended with the post http://withoutwaxblogdotcom.com/2012/11/30/looking-forward/ ,but then Only in Panama (Porn to raise Hell) was a little story I’d forgotten to write about so I just stuck it on there after starting my attempt at an introduction to a second book with a post called ‘Round 2’.
Oh yeah.. There is also an advert for party poker that doesn’t fit in at all, but lets not dwell on my selling out!
I really have to live it before I can write about it so you know as much as I what will feature next.
Hopefully I can finally find my geek (I love the bookworm type) and you can read a ‘happy ever after’ post at some point. Until then you might have to settle for me doing what I unfortunately do best. So if you are sporting a MASSIVE pair of glasses, woolly jumper two sizes too big with a bland pony tail draped down your back then you can find me somewhere in Aruba. I’ll be the one scooping donkey poop with skin like a lobster!
The post that was previously here was an advert for party poker.
My inability to present this add in the exact manner that was intended combined with the fact I have never actually gambled in my life (apart from the time I was in that casino!) has let me to my decision to replace it with something French related to which I do know something about.
I apologise to those who left comments regarding casinos in France and Monaco but, I felt like a bit of a fraud supporting and advertising something I know nothing about.
As part of a mating ritual, the male hippopotamus will spray shit onto the face of a female in an effort empty its balls.
With skin as thick as one inch the hippopotamus is an unstoppable killing machine and will stop at nothing to destroy you.
Only a calve (baby hippo) can in fact swim where as an adult may bounce, walk underwater or even stand in the shallow end giving the impression that they are swimming.
In the jaws of a hippopotamus you will find an average of forty teeth and maybe an occasional slow native or two. These slow moving, placid creatures should always be approached with reckless carelessness and offensive language can easily discourage a charge from an adult bull (man-hippo).
* I claim no responsibility for those who are eaten while following my Hippo fact file.
I like to travel and see the world.
I enjoy meeting new people and seeing things we wouldn’t normally see, but it’s those one off characters that you meet along the way while traveling that brings a little smile to the face and makes you say “That could only happen here”!
In the small city of David close to the border of Costa Rica we wait for our guide who will take us on a tour of the surrounding countryside. This is where we meet one shady looking funny geezer. We are here in Panama for the first of our visa runs but also to bump into characters like this.
He stands near by smoking his cigarette then approaches our small group of obvious tourists whilst digging a wallet from his pocket. He’s showing us an old, battered picture. Maybe his wife, girlfriend or children. No, none of that nonsense in Panama. He holds out his favourite hard-core porn picture. Maybe this is’t such a bad thing. In the case of such a national tragedy happening as this man getting macked by a big bus, they could scoop the rest of him into a nice little sandwich bag, open his wallet and discover that he was in fact male. No need for ID just some x rated pics. Who cares about his name anyway, the man has porn and that’s the kind of heirloom that every man wants. Or maybe that’s just here.
We would later see a black 4×4 in the city centre cruising by the market vendors with a large man kneeling down in the back. A sudden stop and he’s onto the pavement with his shotgun grabbing what must be hundreds of cigarettes from someone before casually leaping back in and hitting the road. We thought we’d just witnessed a robbery but this was the police and there way of controlling the black market. No paper work needed, just frighten the shit out of them with an unmarked drive-by. Would you ask a monster with a shotgun for his police ID?
It was when we were at the border and in the process of leaving Panama when we passed one of the craziest characters I’ve ever seen. Not one of the craziest, most definitely the craziest! We were on our way to get some cheap whiskey when we passed this nutter wearing an unbuttoned military shirt, black baseball cap and dishing abuse at no one in particular while brandishing a large silver pistol. I’m no gun expert but this thing looked heavy duty. On our way back I had my camera phone at the ready to take a very cheeky wee picture of this mad man but he was nowhere to be seen. In place there now stood a noticeable number of armed police officers. Wish I could have witnessed the events that transpired and God do I wish I had a picture of this lunatic! Maybe Simon got one?