Frustration is a word I became well familiar with during my time in Brasil especially in and around the aptly named town Bonito where the women are hot as fuck, but they´re all under eighteen although looking easily early to mid twenties. Legal age for sex? You´ve guessed it. I´m not fucking exaggerating here!
Even the hot blond who´s teaching me to milk goats isn´t quite eighteen although let us take a moment to consider my source of information concerning the laws and harsh penalties dished out towards those who get lucky with a seventeen year old. Father of said seventeen year old!
I can control myself and so plod on with the various tasks asked of me at this farm and I must say this is why I came to Brasil. Amazing small farm located within a two hour walk from the nearest town. I love the work and they keep me pretty busy plus the Canadian host family possibly being one of the coolest family´s to spend the next three months with whip up some damned fine meals.
Here is where I meet Poopy the green parrot who creepily turned to us one day while we were throwing bricks and said “Help me!” Emm..What the fucks been happening here for a parrot to pick that up?
Poopy was an awesome bird with that tap, tap, tap on the floor as he made his way through the house and into the kitchen to steal breakfast from your mouth -your shoulder being his favourite perch from where to sit while eating waffles in the morning. Towards the end of my time the family wondered, worried even of what would become of Poopy when they had to return to Canada. I suggested eating him and this way they could take him with them. He would always be part of you..until you need a shit!
I guess eating poopy doesn´t really sound too appetising so I´m sure he´s safely perched, squawking away “Poopypoopypoopy”! and biting peoples fucking ears! Yeah Poopy, I remember. Why do you think I suggested eating you?
Work would include chopping wood, chasing goats, getting attacked by Gandalf -massive male goat-, milking, replacing fence posts, fixing the road and digging up shit loads of these horrible South American stinging nettles sometimes taller than me. Once I was stung on the arm while rooting one out and in a sudden rage I stamped down on the fucker only for it to bounce back up and sting the whole underside of my thigh. Lesson of the day: I HATE those fucking weeds!
But seriously, what was with all those seventeen year olds who I have to add again never look as young as that. Every time myself or Roman, a German I friend who´s also came to work on the farm, would find ourselves talking with a hot girl and find yet again that she´s seventeen. In Scotland it´d be a pat on the back and “On yersel”, but here you can get shot apparently. This is a shit set up with women. Clearly when the lady’s reach that special age (eighteen) they all fuck off to the city to get jobs, further education and to get away from men like me.
And so we set out to find them..