King Terrance and other beasties

Down on the farm I become quickly acquainted the all things beastie in Brazil. Tarantula’s big enough to make love to -hold that thought-, cebola beasties as big as a large bee which just fly against the wall and bounce across the floor, scorpions, fire ants and my personal favorite, mosquitos!

With mosquitos during the night it is ALWAYS the same old story. Even from inside a seemingly impregnable mosquito net once settled down for the night it does not take long before, ´Wiiiiizzzz´, combined with the tickle of one at your ear. My patience at two thirty in the morning has finally snapped and I slide out of bed while peeling back the fucking shit net and tip toe in the dark in an effort to avoid scorpions yet still crunching my way through a carpet of those beetle like bee things that are all around.

Let there be light.

Now let there be carnage to some bad assed beasties that just won´t fuck off.

No mosquitos, not one! I search every inch and nothing. It´s vanished, I think it really has vanished into thin air! It was right here only a moment ago and pissing me off relentlessly and now it´s nowhere to be found.

Light off, crunch, crunch, crunch through my carpet of beasties, into bed and under the mosquito net.. ´Wiiiizzzz´!

A bullfrog named Terrance would become a dear and useful friend during my stay here. At twenty one centimeters this behemoth of a toad could destroy ten big beasties in a row –we would feed them to him-, then he´d take a massive shit. I almost had him toilet trained. Yes he´d take a shit in the bathroom but always on the floor in the shower area and what a massive shit it would be, but he did make a huge difference in the numbers of beasties crawling and bouncing around our floor.

Every night Terrance would stroll as he was far too big to hop up the steps and on to the porch and just gobble every living thing in the vicinity. I´d sometimes put him on my shoulder and he´d just sit there breathing heavily into my ear. Terrance was a great toad. He was also poisonous!

The father and daughter of the Canadian family took myself and a German friend to the Recife Carnival for a few days and what an event that was. I remember getting steadily pissed throughout one day and eating an oyster that´d been scooped out of the sewage filled river nearby. Warned by others that this sort of thing has killed people before and I will at least get really fucking ill.. I ate it anyway.

My bed is soaking wet. A leak in the roof right above me and so I sleep on the floor and informed the Dad next day. Next morning while standing in the middle of the room pulling pubes from my cock, I look up on hearing something and see a face fixing the massive hole in the roof. Fuck.. He MUST have seen me. I don´t want to ask, how do you ask something like that? But let’s hope he´s not too traumatized and let us forget this embarrassing little episode. Bathrooms there for a reason Andy!

So Carnival was a huge event and a lot of fun but without too many incidents to speak off. I guess I was well behaved but when I returned to Bonito Terrance was not a happy toad.

I´d not left the bathroom light on for him and so his perfect stomping ground was no more. I´d upset him and he didn´t come to see me for about a week then one morning at about five am I went for a pee and..“TERRANCE”!

So maybe he´d been coming all along but was just avoiding me. Making me worry, stupid little froggy fuck. Missed you bud, but now he´s back and beasties are reducing once more. So Poopy the parrot might be one awesome, adorable, funny little pet, but he´s just not Terrance is he?

Whilst on the topic of beasties, let me tell of what I have no doubt will be the best video containing a mental beastie and myself…. To be continued..

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