Andy gets whooped by a tarantula

Before it all goes wrong
Before it all goes wrong!

I´d just had my shower, wrapped a towel around my waist and made my way towards my bedroom to dry more thoroughly and with more space to do so. Halfway there I stop upon remembering my glasses. Guess I´ll be needing them and so I return to retrieve them and.. “What the fuck”?

On the floor of the shower where I´d been just moments before I find the biggest tarantula the world has ever seen –later when showing my video to the family I´m told “Oh, that’s one of the small ones. There´s a much more common species that’s about three times as big!”-. I´ve never come face to face with such a creature and so obviously I have to do something stupid.

After scooping her onto a massive fly swatter I start to show what balls I have (not literally) by holding it closer and closer to various parts of my body – shoulder, head, hands, legs.. I pass my camera on to a Brazilian guy who´s staying in the next room and ask him to make a video.

Again I´m brave with this colossal behemoth of a specimen and try to coax it onto the towel I´m still wrapped in. So cool I must look right now, how many people do I know that´d have the guts to do this? Not a lot I´m guessing. Wait until Mum sees this!

The tarantulas not really doing much and I feel it´s starting to become quite a boring video when BOOM, IT EXPLODES INTO A THOUSAND PIECES!
Just joking. What it actually does is suddenly explode into life and run fast as fuck up my towel. I can´t get it off as I´ve tied it far too tight and just as its getting to my stomach I finally manage to whisk the towel off revealing my shining white butt to a friend still filming.

Brave? Not feeling it so much right now!

Nighty night!
Nighty night!

. . .

One night I put my book down upon hearing the call of “SUPPER”, and exit my sleeping bag. Turning around to grab my torch as it´s a dark walk between my wee place and their house I´m confronted with one of those ´three times as big´ MacDaddy´s I´d been told off. I can´t leave the room now!

It sits above my bed staring down for who knows how long. I´m not into killing tarantulas. I think they’re just too cool and what would a can of beastie spray do anyway? Just make it angry I guess, I´d need to run him down with a car he´s so fucking big! And a mosquito net, not much use when he could just tip my bed over and roll me out the door!

This can´t do, I have to somehow remove him. Encourage him out the door because if I go to supper right now then who knows where he could be when I return?

I´d succeeded it chasing him out and so on my return I started to search for him to check he´s not under my bed, inside my pillowcase, any new eight legged tables around? Nope, not here but what I do find is a scorpion under my bed. Fucking slept well that night!

Cool.. but not when found above my bed!
Cool.. but not when found above my bed!

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