Booty call *The missing footwear and phone

Try crossing that after a few too many!
Try crossing that after a few too many!

 

Waking in a mad dash with a forthcoming jet of piss at that painful point of no return. I was REALLY wasted last night and now as I fumble with this jarred zip I wonder if there is a worse place to let loose than in a tiny tent containing all your worldly belongings for the foreseeable future. I try the other zip and with its opening on first try I´m presented with the sight of one solitary, soggy looking boot..(?).. I had two of those before.

Struggling with my memory and the clues presented to me as I make my way to the main house where I´ll prepare some breakfast and perhaps find my phone, I pass my only pair of trousers lying dirty and soaking wet on the ground. This makes me wonder if I really want to know and when I find my fleece jacket close by in similar condition I decide probably not.

As per the norm, once you´ve made up your mind that you don´t want to remember, your memory starts to kick back.

“More wine, why not”?
Stagger, stumble, SPLASH!

Later on I´m informed more and this does help immensely combined with the wearing off of my self-induced headache.
Turns out I did actually make it across that tiny piece of wood we call a bridge that doubles up as an impregnable obstacle on the way to my tent. Not even my tent really which would have made it all the more harrowing/funny if I hadn´t got that zip open in time!

So I made it across I´m told then stumbled back a little and fell a fucker into the water below.

I remember now. I remember sitting laughing so hard as I sat soaking wet after being lifted out by Clement –French guy who´s come to visit for a few weeks-. Haven´t laughed so hard in a long, long time and understandably so did he. Maybe not aware of my missing phone and boot or maybe during the moment this actually just adds to how funny it all is, but fuck did we laugh!

“Getting you out the first time was easy, but the second..”

Wait, I fell in again!?

“No.. You went back in to get your phone.”

Closure.

Two days my phone and boot lived at the bottom of that water and with this being a delta wherein the water levels are lowered and raised dramatically due to wind direction then I guess I should really count myself lucky that there was water down there that night to break my fall, but I can´t wait any longer though and so in I go one more time for a thorough search and whadaya know? I found my phone!

Are you a believer in miracles? Do you want to guess what happened? Does my phone still work? Does it fuck, it was submerged in water and sludge for two days. I can see water floating behind the screen however.. The SD card survived! My SD card that held about two thousand photos and videos. Time to buy a USB card and save that shit. Sooo fucking happy to get it all back. Took around two weeks for my boot, once found, to get back to being wearable again and spent the next week drying my jacket and trousers but from what I hear it was one damned fine night on the Delta.

Buy the book now on Amazon Kindle
Buy the book now on Amazon Kindle

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00WVKNPYK?keywords=andy%20ritchie%20kiss%20my%20ass&qid=1447967582&ref_=sr_1_1&sr=8-1

 

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